I have learned how to be content 

in whatever state I am.

Philippians 4:11

Holidays.  We see photos of our family’s gatherings in Maryland and North Carolina. But the photos of our family do not include us.  

Eight years of hyper reactivity has kept us from being with family.  We’ve prepared our own two person special meal in the trailer, but it only took a couple holidays to confirm that it’s the gathering of loved ones that makes the feast.

November means migrating south for warmer temps, leaving behind one grandson, two sons, an eighty-six year old Momma and the rest of my family.  This year like many includes traveling for a major trailer repair.

In many ways I’m used to it.  I’m grateful to be able to be in warmer weather as the cold is challenging to our bodies and trailer life. I’ve met delightful folks on this journey. However the better I feel, the more energy there is to also feel disappointment. To be honest I feel sad when I think about not being with those I love.

Some people’s lives are so full and busy.  Mine is full and slow.  For the most part I embrace the quiet pace.  However when I start comparing with others who do more in one weekend than I do in two months, I feel like I’m missing out - like on family gatherings at holidays, and church, and …..

When I focus on what I cannot do I feel isolated.  Lonely.  Solitary.  Recently it was pointed out to me that Jesus sought out a lonely, isolated place. These desolate places were His choice, so He could talk with His Father.

I think that is part of the reason why I’m in this.  So I can pray and seek Him more in the isolation, the loneliness. I find him in the solitude. And I am not lonely when I sense His presence.  I feel the joy of His presence.  I hear His voice in the quiet.

The nearness of God is my good.

And I know for certainty that I am not alone.

Nevertheless, I am continually with You

You do hold my right hand.

Psalm 73:23